Migrating poetry (and other writing)

So, um, I haven’t really been using this site much, and that’s kinda my bad for lacking on the poetry and the ranty rant, so, like, I’ve gotten back into writing, and my writing blog (focused mainly on Persephone at the moment) will be https://unrepentantdisgrace.wordpress.com/

Come follow along. I;ll still keep this around for ranty rants and bitching about trans shit, but I may just do a massive purge of all the posts.

An offering

Persephone’s Choice

I chose the pomegranate
To escape one hell for another
Such is my lot

Cursed by the Fates
Under Demeter controlled
He offered me freedom
At terrible cost
A share of the kingdom
The dead down below
Escaping Demeter
And her pretty cages
For the land of my choice

If you’re gonna self med, do it safely. (recommendations for trans women) [I AM NOT A DOCTOR, these are just my opinions]

`My recommendations. Don’t do progesterone unless you’re with a doctor, There are too many side effects to worry about.

I recommend starting with pills. Estradiol valerate 2 mg pills. (several brand names and generics are available) common dosage is 2-6mg. (source) Start with 2mg, if that isn’t enough, you can increase. Self medding with injections is a bad idea unless you’ve had them before and know how to do it.  Take the pills sublingually. That way they don’t pass through the liver twice. It’s more effective and healthier in the long run. These are what mine look like. (link) I’m currently on 6mg after 2 years. I started the first month with 2mg, moved to 4mg, then recently upped them to 6mg. I’d have probably stayed with 4 without having a doctor.

Here are the common side effects that can occur. Another tab at that same link has drug/food/disease interactions for estradiol.

I can’t really recommend cyproterone acetate (Antiandrogen) if you live in the U.S. and plan on getting a doctor eventually. It is a better drug, but I have no general experience with it. If you are in Canada or the U.K., ask around, you’ll get better advice from someone there.  I use Spironolactone. This is what it looks like. (interactions and side effects are also at that link) I’ve been on 200mg since I started. 1 pill in the morning, one in the evening. Common dosage is 100-200mg. (source)

Spiro is pretty dangerous. It’s a potassium sparing diuretic. Drink lots of water. You’ll need to make sure you’re getting enough water soluble vitamins and minerals, especially calcium and salt without having too much potassium intake. It’s hard to eat healthy. You’ll start cramping up really badly if you get too much potassium. That’s your warning sign.

I had to lower my spiro dosage temporarily because I was getting dizzy spells. So watch out for those too.  A lot of people start with 100mg. I started with 200, and I’ve been ok, but I’m also a larger person.

It is important to get your hormone levels tested. There are services that will do this for you. Certain labs are walk in, others need an appointment. It costs around $300-$400 usually without insurance. Sometimes more. Here are what normal hormone levels are for treatment.

Additional resources here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/932389/Trans/Stepping%20Forward%20-%20Clinical%20Protocol%20Guidelines.pdf (some of the links are broken in that one.)

Last thing, please be safe and get your meds from a reliable source. It’s still not legal, but it’s safer.

I guess I’ll speak

I guess I’ll speak.

With my lost voice

Of what is gone

And nothing gained.

Shadows rule

And all is lost

We still run

But relentless hunt

All is lost

All is lost

Let’s talk about institutional trans-misogyny.

Notes: I use trans-feminine to refer to trans women and non-binary camab trans folx I use trans-masculine to refer to trans men and non-binary cafab folx. They aren’t perfect terms, but they’re what I’ve got to work with.

Time to Kick the Hornet’s Nest

Oh HAI there. It’s been a while since I wrote an explicitly political post. Since some people seem to think that trans-misogyny is just trans women being upset about fucked up queer space dynamics (that some folx don’t even believe exist) I thought I’d go on and tell you a little of how trans-misogyny fucks over trans-feminine folx in favour of trans-masculine folx.

for decades, all the big women’s colleges accepted trans masculine folx, but not trans-feminine ones. Most still have exclusionary practices. And some of the few that actually accept trans-women have policies in place to make it extremely hard for trans women to be accepted. One of the least horrible about it has wording requiring trans women to present full time and be accepted as women in their daily lives. Yes, they will be judging us by our femininity, and while they accept non-binary cafab folx without reservations, they don’t allow non-binary camab folx. These schools employed Janice Raymond.

If access to education isn’t bad enough, let’s talk about Planned Parenthood and access to lifesaving healthcare. Many Planned parenthoods all across the southeast US will prescribe testosterone but not anti-androgens and estrogen for trans feminine folx.

Now let’s talk about crisis centers and women’s shelters that allow trans-masculine folx while trans feminine folx sleep on the street. Yeah. Trans women have died in the fucking cold because of this.

I’m not saying trans masculine folx shouldn’t get services. I’m saying trans-misogyny specifically is real on an institutional level and costs lives.

So don’t anyone ever come to me saying I’m whining about dating circles and queer cliquishness when I talk about trans misogyny and the ways in which trans masculine folx are privileged over trans women and CAMAB trans folx.

Do you know why I like flowers?

Do you know why I like flowers?
Because they’re pretty and useless
Broken off from their roots
And falling apart day by day
Just like me

The effort of keeping the facade
Pretending normality while I’m panicking again
Falling apart
Pretty and useless