I can’t win.
No matter what I do, I can’t win.
If I come out, I face discrimination, possibly lose my relationship with my family, lose hours, maybe my job. I might wind up homeless. I barely make enough money to survive as is. If I don’t come out, I will never have an honest relationship with anybody. I will continue to hate everything about myself. I will continue to have to be constantly vigilant to never let anyone know that I’m not straight, and I’m not male. It’s slowly killing me.
At work, if I have the same attitudes, and do the same thing as the people who got promoted, I get a verbal reprimand. If I don’t, I’m not acting like I want a supervisor position. They tell me to do something a certain way, then a week later, ask me why I’m doing it that way.
I’m fucked. Nothing I do is right.
I can’t win, and I don’t want to play anymore.