Archive | September 2012

Why can’t we just get along?

I like coffee and tea. Why do people have to get so up in arms and ask me to take a side? I won’t. Just because I drink tea does not mean I hate coffee. Just because I drink coffee does not mean that I hate tea. Wow, I just realized that this is exactly like how people deny bisexuality exists. Fuck, I wasn’t even trying to make that point.

 

Anyhow, Happy blasphemy day,

Emily

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At times, atheism can be very comforting.

This is something no one seems to talk about. The positive emotional effects of being an atheist. I wonder why.

I was driving home from a “friend’s” house, when I started crying thinking about, “why? Why do I have to be this way? Why can’t I just be normal? Why do I have to deal with this shit?” Then I remembered something. I am the way that I am because of natural variation in the species, and I just happened to get the short straw in life. See, there is an explanation for why I’m trans*. No god did this to me, it’s just a natural part of life.  I don’t have to beg and plead to a supernatural entity with the false hope of changing, I can just deal with the cards on the table, make a plan, and get on with life. It was very calming. Reality has that effect.

I no longer have to fear hell, or the wrath of an unjust god. Any pain, any misery this life brings me will eventually pass, so why not try to be happy? It too, will eventually pass, so I might as well make the most out of this one life that I do have.

Religion, on the other hand, never gave me comfort. When I was young, I had a pretty severe anger problem. Prayer never helped with it. In fact, prayer made it worse. Only after being taught a secular version of meditation was I able to get control over my anger. Belief in god never brought me comfort. God was judge, jury, and executioner, and no one could ever live up to his standards. I crushed my sense of self, I crushed my attraction to guys, and never had a chance of being happy because I was a true believer in Catholicism. Prayer never calmed me. I was taught that god helps those who help themselves, so I never had any hope that God would do anything for me, but that I was still supposed to rely on him anyway. Religion fucked me right up. Even after I left Catholicism, even after I left christianity all together, none of the religions I tried out ever brought me comfort. Because I was relying on something that was never there for me. Once you realise that there is nothing to rely on, the universe makes sense, and you can just get on with your life. And you don’t have to worry about all the stupid arbitrary rules.

I think the reason most atheists don’t talk about this is that they don’t want to try to sway religious people into deconverting for emotional reasons. They want people to deconvert because of a rational argument. Well, I’m not trying to deconvert anyone here. I just think that the emotional side effects of the atheist world view need to be talked about. We shouldn’t let the religious dominate this dialogue, too. To my atheist readers, what have been the positive emotional effects that you have had since becoming an atheist?

An apology to Reneta Scian (Xian)

I fucked up. I ran my stupid yap and wrote a blog post about a comment she made over a year ago. In doing so, I mischaracterized her positions on things. I should have just asked her for clarification, but no, I’ve got to just react and make a blog post. Reneta, I am truly sorry. Mx. Punk, thank you for calling me out on my bullshit.

How am I sexist for being a binary identified trans woman?

Today I learned that I am a sexist because I am a binary trans* person. renetascian commented on a blog post by mx. punk. And I quote, “I did have another thought about your blog about being sexist. I am non-binary, but I realized if you were a binary transperson you would be sexist.” Oh really, I had no idea that because I happen to be a woman and not genderqueer that I am a sexist. Go on. “One example would be a transperson insulting another person for not getting surgery, or displaying hatred for cross-dressers.” Um, I probably will never be able to afford the surgery, and am afraid of losing all sensation, so I am non-op. That doesn’t make me non-binary. Even if I did get SRS, I would never judge someone for not getting it. I don’t hate cross-dressers, I’m just not one, and I don’t want to be told that I am one any more than you want to be told that you are a binary identified trans* person. How am I a sexist again? I don’t buy that gender is binary. I think that gender roles are bullshit. I believe that all genders should be equal. Why do you think that I am sexist again? And yet, you think less of me because I am a woman and binary identified. How are you not sexist? And by implication, you are saying that anybody who is cisgender is sexist, so why do you single out binary trans* folk? Why do you hate me?

How not to talk to trans* people.

I recently had a little exchange on my blog with a commenter, John A. David. This is an example of  how not to talk to someone who is trans*. Some of his comments have been edited by me. See this post for explanation.

First, John said this:

 By the way, I am not pissed at all, actually I felt nothing but one thing that you are deeply troubled. I get it why you seem frustrated with your troubles, so do not think I talking about things I do not know. As a teenager I struggled with sexual orientation

No, you do not know what you are talking about. Struggling with sexual orientation is nothing like the hell that is dysphoria. Do you have any idea what it is like to despise the sound of your own voice? So I responded to him thusly:

You have no fucking clue what gender dysphoria is like. Do not claim that you do. It is not like struggling to accept your sexual orientation. I am seriously enraged by what you wrote there. I am trying very hard to remain civil.

Jackass responded thusly:

 Yeah, may be I do not. I also do have cancer but I can still see the pain reflected. Everyone has his own demons to face, you have yours, I have mine. Can you feel what I feel, no way. So in that way no one is different. But my comment was not insulting if that’s how you took it. I only wanted to say, I can see why you are upset. It must be very discomforting for you.

So, John not only didn’t apologize for presumptuously comparing his struggle with sexual orientation to my gender dysphoria, he condescendingly told me not to be offended by it. Well then jackass, how about you go fuck yourself.

Midori Skies (love the name by the way) responded to John:

 Um, wow. That’s even worse than the “I’m sorry if I offended you” brand of not-pology. Your intent to not be insulitng in writing your earlier comment does not somehow magically nullify the offensiveness of your saying that you understand gender dysphoria because you “struggled with sexual orientation”. You do not understand what gender dysphoria is like. There’s no maybe about it.

Thank you. Seriously, Thank you.♥

John came back with:

 I never said I understand gender dysphoria, so I am not sure why would you repeatedly bring this.up. I said, I know how its frustrating when one is struggling with an issue, which for me was sexual orientation

A. Yes, the fuck you did. ” I get it why you seem frustrated with your troubles, so do not think I talking about things I do not know.”

B. Midori Skies brought it back up.

C. It isn’t struggling with an issue. It is looking in the mirror and seeing a man where a woman should be. It is about your sense of self. It is something you can’t escape. And after I transition I have to look forward to the fact that 1 in 12 trans women are murdered. 42% of transgender folkss attempt suicide before transition. Many do not survive to transition. So go fuck yourself, you condescending jackass.

John finished up with this Gem

 anyway, I apologize again for the misunderstanding.

Let me reword this: I’m sorry that you didn’t understand me.

Problems with this:

1. Not taking any responsibility for his fuck up.
2. Blaming me for not understanding what he meant.
3. Even what he meant was extremely condescending.

So John, The only other thing I want to hear from you is a real apology. Anything else will be blocked.