Archive | November 2012

Winning the battles but losing the war.

Time for a feminism post. I feel like we’re winning individual battles, but the culture is shifting against us. People really are starting to buy into the notion that feminism is no longer necessary. The anti-feminists have successfully gotten out the message that men are being oppressed by women, when the reality is that men are being hurt by a patriarchal system.

I had a conversation with a guy today who completely buys into rape culture. He assumes that most rape cases fail because the women are lying. When we were talking about drinking and consent, he brought up the fact that most people hook up when they are drunk, so people are completely capable of giving consent when drunk. “They may regret it later, and falsely accuse the guy of rape, but they gave consent. It is different if someone spiked their drink or they were under the influence of drugs.” I couldn’t get him to budge from this position. The anti-abortion movement keeps growing. I see sexist ideas  about gender roles coming from people of all backgrounds, and women are enforcing them even more than men are in my area. I have no idea how to push the Overton window in the direction it needs to be pushed here.

I weep for humanity.

Transgender day of appropriation.

Stop putting glitter on a corpse and hoisting it up for your disco ball.

Every year, a shit ton of violence happens to trans people. The vast majority of this is directed at trans women of color. If you didn’t care about these people in life, then you have no right to mourn them and use them to further your organizations now that they’re dead. Hell, you shouldn’t even be reading about this from me, you should be listening to them.

The dead don’t care about being remembered; they’re dead. What are you doing for the living? Are your organizations doing anything at all for trans* people, or are we just a token? This is a great day for fundraising. Are you still going to continue to throw trans* issues under the bus? Are you going to continue to deny how race and gender plays a part in oppression? Or are you just going to throw a goddamn party, and forget about this until next year?

 

Edit for clarity: This post is not about positivity or ignoring the violence to trans people, especially trans women of color. It is about intersectionallity and appropriation.

This isn’t the post I intended to write next.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I think I’m about to have a breakdown. I don’t know which way to turn.  There are no good choices. Do I shut down, bury myself further and wall myself off from my emotions becoming an automaton, or do I take the leap and transition. If I transition, do I go stealth and become complicit in the system, or do I live out and proud and face further marginalization. How can I do this and stay true to my moral values without destroying myself in the process. I’m not even depressed, or suicidal, I just can’t process this. My mind is going in circles. I’m frustrated and don’t know which way to turn.

 

My trip to my parent’s house wasn’t all sunshine and roses.

My parents did something that hurt me deeply, and I can’t tell them about it.

They had me take pictures with them with these “wax lips“. They have taken these pictures with most of the other members of my family. Now this might not sound that bad, but let me explain why this hurt me. These lips are exaggerated feminine lips, and the supposed comedy comes from the exaggeration on women and the femininity on men. So what this amounts to is a joke on exaggerated femininity on men. A man in a dress joke. A femmephobic, transphobic joke. And they want me to have a happy expression while they did this.

 

I hate having my picture taken, I always have.

I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself for the same reasons I can’t stand mirrors: dysphoria.

You want to make a transphobic joke out of me and femininity, and expect me to be happy about it.

Well then,

FUCK YOU

 

And I can’t say anything about it for several reasons.

  1. They’ve gotten pretty much everyone in my family to do it.
  2. It’s my mom’s 60th birthday. That’s the reason I went up there.
  3. I can’t refuse without getting into a huge fight and explaining why I don’t want to do it, outing myself as trans* in the process.

 

I can’t ruin my mom’s 60th birthday by getting in a huge fight and revealing that I’m transgender.

So I had to bite the fucking bullet. I hate having to pretend to be a straight male.

Work In Progress.

I’m headed up to my parents place for a few days. I won’t have any internet access. When I get back I’ll have a few blog posts ready to type up, and maybe even a sketch or two.  In the meantime here is a work in progress for you to take a gander at:

Pastel or Pencil?

 

 

So my question is, Should I finish this in pastel or pencil? I don’t use pastel that much, so it might come out pretty badly if I try. Pencil is what I’m familiar with, although I’m almost as good with pen and ink. Please leave a comment letting me know which one you think I should use.

Further adventures in medical treatment.

This time, I remembered to remove my toenail polish.

So I went to the orthopedist. Just got back in fact, and I’m having a cup of tea. I hate having to lie on medical forms. Gender M. All already printed out in bold black ink before I even got the form. How fucking presumptuous for them to assume that my gender is male. How would they know?  At least I didn’t get sirred constantly like I did at the clinic the other day. So I played the part of the good young man. Fuckers. I wouldn’t have had that much of a problem if it had been sex on the form. I haven’t undergone any HRT or surgery so my sex is still unambiguously male.

Anyway, they said the cause of my ankle problem is the fact that I have been working as a line cook for several years and having flat feet. So, I’ll have to stay off of it for a few more days, use the medicine, and I will have to Ice my ankle nightly for the rest of my life. They have also given me some special insoles. I say given, but selling them to me for $35 isn’t exactly a gift. Anyway, this drastically limits the kind of shoes I can wear, so I might as well get used to wearing Mens shoes for the rest of my life. Yay. :( So I guess that you could call me semi-able bodied.

One other thing. Why do they need to know your race? I mean, seriously, why is that a question on the form? Is there an actual medical reason that an orthopedist would need to know that information?

voting on crutches is gonna be fun tomorrow./sarcasm