My parents did something that hurt me deeply, and I can’t tell them about it.
They had me take pictures with them with these “wax lips“. They have taken these pictures with most of the other members of my family. Now this might not sound that bad, but let me explain why this hurt me. These lips are exaggerated feminine lips, and the supposed comedy comes from the exaggeration on women and the femininity on men. So what this amounts to is a joke on exaggerated femininity on men. A man in a dress joke. A femmephobic, transphobic joke. And they want me to have a happy expression while they did this.
I hate having my picture taken, I always have.
I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself for the same reasons I can’t stand mirrors: dysphoria.
You want to make a transphobic joke out of me and femininity, and expect me to be happy about it.
And I can’t say anything about it for several reasons.
- They’ve gotten pretty much everyone in my family to do it.
- It’s my mom’s 60th birthday. That’s the reason I went up there.
- I can’t refuse without getting into a huge fight and explaining why I don’t want to do it, outing myself as trans* in the process.
I can’t ruin my mom’s 60th birthday by getting in a huge fight and revealing that I’m transgender.
So I had to bite the fucking bullet. I hate having to pretend to be a straight male.