Archive | March 2013

old memories

content note: self harm, depression, trauma, abuse

It’s been a bad night. I haven’t been able to get anything done. I’ve been plagued by old memories best forgotten, and it’s stirring up all the old insecurities. That if anyone ever gets to know me, they will hate me.

And yet, I have that one bright shining ray of hope pulling me through. A reason to be happy. But I still get the blues. and I’m not depressed so much as remembering and reliving trauma. I have no idea what triggered this. But I hate it and I wish it would go away.

At times like this in the past, I would give in to self destructive cycles. Drinking, or hurting myself in some other way. Pushing people who cared about me away, before they could hurt me. I’ve gotten better about that. I can catch myself.  Stop the cycle before it starts.

But why do these things that happened to me still hurt so goddamn much? Why do I feel like it’s all my fault?

It’s been a bad night.




so cold






Hide, Hide, must Hide

If they know, they’ll hate me

If they hate, they’ll hurt me

Run, Run, and Hide

Hide, Hide, Must Hide

feminism, we need to talk.

Ok feminism, we need to talk. You’re hurting me, and you’re hurting my friends. I was willing to deal with that, while I thought that you were still doing good in the world. But I just found out what mainstream U. S. Feminism is about.


Not bodily autonomy.

Not making life better for women.

It’s an argument about whether a woman should focus more on family life or career. This is downright obscene in a country where most women don’t have that choice.

When feminism is only serving the needs of upper class white cis heterosexual women, I want no part of it.

When feminism is actively hurting trans folks, I want no part of it.

When feminism hurts sex workers, I want no part of it.

When feminism ignores people of color, I want no part of it.

When feminism ignores the reality of class, and the way that affects people, I want no part of it.

When feminism upholds the same capitalist structures that keeps people unequal, I want no part of it.

When feminism upholds the kyriarchy, I want no part of it.


I don’t know how much longer I can keep using the term feminism to describe my views  when all it does is hurt people, and ignores the lived reality of women.

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Institutionalized Oppositional Sexism at the workplace

I won’t be able to get my ears pierced any time soon. My job has a policy that “males” can’t wear earrings. Yup.

For some reason, it is perfectly fine for women to wear earrings but not anyone else. And I sure can’t claim to be a women there. And you have to keep your earrings in when they are first pierced or the wounds will close up.

In other words. Fuck this oppressive system, and fuck my job.

Hello, friendly cis girl

Hello friendly straight typically feminine cis girl. Just because you defy social norms about being open about and joking about sex does not mean that you are, “a man trapped in a woman’s body.”

Fuck you.





You do not get to use that phrase. You do not have to deal with all the shit that trans people do. 

That is all. Have a good day.


Hello, my new religious followers. And everyone else.

Welcome. You might have noticed that I’m an atheist. Allow me to clarify some things, so I don’t end up banning you.

I am not Richard Dawkins, Samuel Harris, Daniel Dennet, or Alain de Botton. Do not assume that I hold their positions. If you wish to debate them, go bother them, not me. The views of a bunch of white cisgender upper class men have very little relevance to my positions.

So, what exactly do I mean by the term atheist? Well to be more specific, I’m an anti-pistevist, agnostic, atheist.

  • anti-pistevist: against faith. I think that faith is bad methodology, and therefore harmful. 
  • agnostic: I do not know whether or not any god or gods exist. But possibility is not the same thing as probability, and without any evidence for any gods, my best estimate is that the probability of any gods existing, much less your specific god, is very low.
  • atheist: I do not believe in any gods. I do not believe in any gods because I have no evidence for any gods. If you want me to believe in them, you must show me evidence. And no, some philosophical argument is not evidence.

Ok, now that we’ve got that cleared up, I don’t want anyone telling me to prove that no gods exist. That is not my position.

Now, even if you do prove that a god exists, you still have to prove that it is your god that exists. If you somehow manage to accomplish that, it still does not mean that I will follow or worship that god. In fact, I may just fight your gods if I deem them to be morally unacceptable. I sure won’t worship any gods, and will actively oppose many of them. Any god that lets children starve is not worth my allegiance. Any god not powerful enough to help starving children is not worth my time. Any god that would invent a hell is evil and should be actively fought.

So, that being said, if you are religious, and don’t try to make other people follow the rules of your religion, or don’t discriminate because of it, I don’t particularly care. I think that you are wrong, but I care more about where you stand on other issues.

Most of the time I talk about atheism on this blog, it is because either religious people are doing something harmful, or I am criticizing other atheists. If I bring up homophobia in religion, and your beliefs aren’t homophobic, don’t waste both your time and mine saying that not all religious people are like that. I know that they aren’t. Instead of bringing that up to me, why not try doing something about it. I have repeatedly criticized other atheists for being racist, misogynistic, or transphobic.

If your religious beliefs are heterosexist, monosexist, cissexist, racist, or misogynistic, don’t bother spewing that shit on my blog. I’ll edit your comment for my own amusement, and put you in the spam filter.

Oh, and for the record, I’m pro-choice, and pro sex worker.

Most of what I talk about on this blog is trans stuff, poetry, and feminism, and whatever else I happen to feel like talking about on that particular day.

Oh yeah, and I use foul language, if you can’t handle that, then feel free to go the fuck elsewhere.

Stick around and feel welcome to comment, just remember my comment policy: don’t piss me off, and this blog is my space, not yours.