Archive | June 2014

New poem: My favorite cousin

content note: Childhood sexual abuse, incest

My Favorite Cousin

My favorite cousin
When I was young
Sexually abused me
And my family still doesn’t know

About what happened
About the trauma

And my favorite cousin
Sexually abused me
When I was young
And I still hurt
And feel disgusting

And my family still doesn’t know

He was young too
A child himself
And innocent

He didn’t know
What he’d done to me
The pain that would last

And I can’t hate him
My favorite cousin
From when I was young
That would be simple
And that would be easy

But my favorite cousin
Sexually abused me
And didn’t know the harm.

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New poem: NO

Content note: Rape

NO

I asked her to stop
And she stopped
And I cried
Tears of gratitude

She didn’t rape me
And I’m so grateful

My Agency
My Autonomy
My bodily integrity

Have never been respected

And I’m still not prepared for it
And I’m still not expecting it

And I’m still so grateful

That the ones I care for
The ones that love me

Do

Knowing the Rain Will Fall

Content note: Family

It hurts every time either of them speak to me.
What is conversation?
Me steeling myself, preparing for the inevitable blows?

I’ve heard that love and hate are opposites.
But truly the opposite of both is indifference.
If Only I could achieve it.

Should I remember the way we used to be today?
Me and my dad.
Laughing and relating

But no longer.
You seeā€¦ I’m Queer.
And that’s always what I’ll be to him now.

This is what they call familial love.
And I keep coming back.
Knowing the rain will fall.

Wrote this a while back, decided I’d share.

Ode to Long Days

To long days ahead
Ode to Joy on my mind
First song I played
Back in those long haired guitar days

Rush, Rush around
Sell those things holding me down
See the pshrink
And the bureaucracy awaits.

Then to L.A.
Meeting her friends
Unfamiliar places and people
I’ll still push through

Not long now
One year in time
The peace built by estrogen
Disrupted by oppression
And what happened back when

Ode to the before times
My guitar sings no more
Now my eyes weep instead
There are long days ahead.