Tag Archive | Bisexual

I really fucking hate assimilationist LG culture.

So, I decided to sit down and waste some time watching “the Gay and Lesbian Comedy Slam.” I figured it would be bad, I mean no even token nod to the rest of the GSRM community, but this shit was fucking horrible. These folks are no more my people than Cis, Straight, Evangelical, hard line conservative Christians.

It started out with a transphobic joke. The first fucking line of the show. Well Y’all can go fuck yourselves right back. It was fucking terrible, misgendering and deadnaming someone, and appropriating “transition” all for the sake of a really shitty joke.

So much racism, bi-phobia, cissexism, and out right transphobia, as well as gay male misogyny. Don’t forget the classism, pro-militarism, and rape culture bullshit. Oh, and we can’t forget the gender role enforcement even within gay culture.

I’m sick of seeing any type of queer folks upholding this kyriarchical bullshit, but the Cis Gay and Lesbian scene has made an entire culture surrounding it. “We’re just like you, only we are attracted to the same sex.” Yeah, and fuck you too. Our entire overculture is toxic, and you want to reflect and be part of those power structures instead of tearing them down. You are not my family. And they will never want you. Call me when you wake the fuck up. We’ll be here waiting like we always have been.

Advertisements

I really need some time in queer space.

I’ve had a hellacious couple of days. Things I’ve been subjected to:

  • Transphobic jokes and remarks from just about everyone I know.
  • Homophobic rants, including one from someone who knows that I’m bi going off about their straight cis boss calling him a, “Queer ass, cock-sucking  ass-fucking, son of a bitch.” and someone else who doesn’t know about me talking about how he doesn’t hate gay people, but he doesn’t want to see them kissing in public. Well, there was a lot more detail, but let’s just leave it at that.
  • More than the average homophobic jokes on my double shift at work today
  • Having to witness some extreme sexual harassment of a co-worker, and not being able to stop it. At least she knows that I’ll be a witness for her if she wants to go to HR.

So yeah, Straight cis people, I really don’t want to hear from y’all right now. I think I’ve heard enough.

Well Christmas, Thanks for the Shitty-ness

If I ever hear the phrase, “rape jokes are always funny,” again, it will be too soon. This comment was made by Tim as he was showing me the movie “Ted” made by Seth MacFarlane. The rape joke in question was a victim-blaming, “raped because of what I’m wearing,” joke made by the male protagonist. That movie is filled with sexism, homophobia, and especially egregious racism towards people of Asian backgrounds. I also got to sit through white-splaining about Kwanzaa which was ended by a statement that was racist enough that the people who were spouting unexamined racist statements even reacted with a WTF moment and changed the subject. “[racial slur removed] just want their own holiday.” That comment was made by Tim’s brother in law. Then there was Tim’s mom, making jokes about a male dog that Tim’s sister had put in doggie clothes. Transphobic and homophobic jokes. I assume that Tim didn’t tell them that I’m bisexual. I asked him to not spread that around.

I’m very open about being an atheist, but I guess Tim never mentioned that to his family, because they all acted like they were in the presence of fellow Christians. I didn’t bother to correct them because, hey I’m a guest at Christmas dinner in their house, and no matter how shitty they are being, I’m not going to do that.

Theories about a one world government leading to the end times a la “revelations.”

Christian Supremacy and lack of tolerance for people who aren’t Christian.

The entire day was infuriating and disheartening, except for seeing the movie “brave.” That was a great little movie, with a wonderful soundtrack. It has problematic elements, but overall is a net positive in terms of self-agency.

So, yeah, Christmas sucked for me.

Well……. That was a fucked up conversation.

So, I just got off the phone. Somehow, despite my best efforts, Tim brings up atheism. He always does this late at fucking night when I can’t think right. Fucker. He starts going on about how atheists are just like 9/11 truthers. “They’re always asking for more evidence, They get really mad when you don’t agree with them, come on man, you know I’m right, YOU’RE just like them.” What the Fuck? Seriously. That’s how you escape the burden of proof. Fuck you. The difference is that the 9/11 truthers are offering a theory that contradicts the evidence. Of course I didn’t say that. Instead, I told him that I would rather not get into atheist/christian debate right now. I told him that if we got into it, we probably wouldn’t remain friends much longer. This guy.

So then he goes into how much it pisses him off when someone tries to change the subject. Now get this shit. He says that if I really piss him off, “I could really fuck up your life with one phone call.” He’s referring to outing me as bisexual to my parents. I go dead silent. What the fuck do you even say to something like that? It’s hard to even describe how that made me feel. What a fucking betrayal. A slap to the face. An utter repudiation of everything that we have ever done for each other. I think that my ability to hear even went out momentarily. Next thing I hear over the phone is him saying “hello?” I respond that I’m still there. The next part is a little blurry, even though it just happened. I tell him that I need to know if what I just heard was what he meant, that he would out me to my parents if I pissed him off enough. He got mad at me for believing that he would actually do that, that he was joking around. That, “after all I’ve done for you, do you think that I would do something like that to harm you?” You know what, I didn’t say this to him, but that is exactly why I don’t trust him with anything personal anymore. I don’t fucking trust him. He’s manipulative. He’s constantly tearing me down. And now, because I trusted him, he has power over me until I come out to my parents as Bi. This is one of the many reasons he doesn’t know I’m trans*. He doesn’t even bother to hide his contempt for me for being an atheist like I showed above. And I never knew how ridiculously homophobic he was until I came out to him. Why the fuck did I ever waste so much time, effort and emotion on this guy? And now, I have to pretend like everything is normal, because he holds power over me. I’m even going to hang out with him tomorrow. I feel like crying.

The stupidest fucking debate.

Bisexuality vs Pansexuality.

Yes. I’ve seen this five times in the last week alone. Can we stop doing this. There are so many different definitions of both of these terms, and they mostly overlap. If someone says that they are pansexual, and you don’t know what they mean by that, ASK THEM. Don’t ask them to tell you the difference between that and bisexuality. If someone says that they are bisexual, don’t assume that they are enforcing the gender binary, won’t date trans* people, and aren’t attracted to non-binary trans* people. If you aren’t sure about what someone means when they say that they are bisexual, ASK THEM. Don’t ask them to tell you the difference between that and pansexuality. Personally, I use the terms interchangeably to describe myself, though I actually prefer the term non-monosexual, but that will never catch on so I usually just say bisexual, because most people know it and it gives them a general idea of who I am capable of being attracted to. Please stop policing other people’s sexual orientation.

My dumbass friend Tim,

My dumbass friend Tim thinks he is smart.
He is not.

My dumbass friend Tim thinks he understands science.
He does not.

My dumbass friend Tim thinks natural selection involves intention.
It does not.

My dumbass friend Tim always wins arguments because he will wear down anyone talking with him until they concede.
He is rarely correct.

My dumbass friend Tim does not think that bisexuality is real.
It is.

My dumbass friend Tim, when presented with scientific literature, will claim that he understands science better than the author of the paper.
He does not.

My dumbass friend Tim, compared homosexuality to a genetic disease.
It isn’t.

My dumbass friend Tim is a gender essentialist who will misgender someone intentionally because he refuses “to accommodate their insanity.”

My dumbass friend Tim,
Can go fuck himself.

Why can’t we just get along?

I like coffee and tea. Why do people have to get so up in arms and ask me to take a side? I won’t. Just because I drink tea does not mean I hate coffee. Just because I drink coffee does not mean that I hate tea. Wow, I just realized that this is exactly like how people deny bisexuality exists. Fuck, I wasn’t even trying to make that point.

 

Anyhow, Happy blasphemy day,

Emily

Don’t Panic

FUCK THAT. I’M GONNA PANIC.

I don’t know how much longer I can live as a man. The dysphoria and gender dissonance are getting worse. I think about suicide all the time. I don’t want to die. But I can’t stop thinking about killing myself.

How the fuck do I tell my parents that I don’t want to be a man? How do I tell them? How can I get them to understand what is happening to their son? How can I get them to accept me as their daughter? Hell, I’m still too afraid to tell them I’m bisexual.

I’m going to lose the only friend I have that I can count on. He’s been there with me for everything since highschool. This is the guy I called Tim in a recent post. The friendship is already toxic at this point. He’s a liberal christian. He hates that I’m an atheist. He doesn’t believe in bisexuality. He thinks everyone is either straight or gay. Homosexuality is disgusting to him on a personal level, except when it’s hot chicks in a porno. He’s a gender essentialist.

I’ve been trying so hard to get him to change his views, but it just isn’t going to happen.

I live in a fire at will state with no protections for discrimination.

I want to transition, but I’m so damn scared.

How the fuck do I do this?