Tag Archive | family

Still Unseen

[CN: family]

My dad turned away that day
And never turned back
He still can’t look at me
He only looks in my direction

Do you know I’ve only seen my dad cry twice?
The first time was when his father died
The second was when he saw me truly
He still won’t see me
Only what he wants me to be


New poem: My favorite cousin

content note: Childhood sexual abuse, incest

My Favorite Cousin

My favorite cousin
When I was young
Sexually abused me
And my family still doesn’t know

About what happened
About the trauma

And my favorite cousin
Sexually abused me
When I was young
And I still hurt
And feel disgusting

And my family still doesn’t know

He was young too
A child himself
And innocent

He didn’t know
What he’d done to me
The pain that would last

And I can’t hate him
My favorite cousin
From when I was young
That would be simple
And that would be easy

But my favorite cousin
Sexually abused me
And didn’t know the harm.

Knowing the Rain Will Fall

Content note: Family

It hurts every time either of them speak to me.
What is conversation?
Me steeling myself, preparing for the inevitable blows?

I’ve heard that love and hate are opposites.
But truly the opposite of both is indifference.
If Only I could achieve it.

Should I remember the way we used to be today?
Me and my dad.
Laughing and relating

But no longer.
You see… I’m Queer.
And that’s always what I’ll be to him now.

This is what they call familial love.
And I keep coming back.
Knowing the rain will fall.

Midnight post/poetry

These carbonated hearts

Like markers in the sky

Writing new songs

Of family and friends


Hey all, I just woke up in the middle of the night and had to write this down. I don’t know whether it will be any good come morn, but it describes my current mood perfectly.

In case you missed it, I’m moving, and could use some help defraying the cost. Or you can donate to my transition fund here.

To the person who found this blog searching for “Merry Christmas for Mom and Dad in Heaven”

I’m sorry to tell you this, but when we die, that’s it. The joy, pain, and everything in between is over. The best thing you can do for your parents is remember them. That way, they live on in you. That way, what they did can still affect the world through you. Cherish  your memories. And most of all, if you can, and still have a good relationship with the family you have now, cherish and enjoy them while you can, because we only get this one life. Especially if you still have a good relationship with them. Trust me. This comes from someone who is having severe family problems and may be disowned by the majority of my family, though I don’t know for sure.

I wish you the best.