Tag Archive | Me

Effects of HRT so far

content warning: TMI, Explicit, dysphoria triggers

Current dosage, 2mg estrofem and 100 mg spiro at 12:30 am, and 100 mg spiro at 12:30 P.M.

  • emotional
    • mood swings
    • feeling emotions more deeply
    • once I start crying, not being able to stop
  • smell
    • everything smells different
    • I’m discovering scents that I never knew existed
    • smells are more complex, and have more layers
    • smells are quite a bit stronger
  • tits
    • nipples are noticeably larger
    • nipples are quite sensitive
    • nipples are shaped differently when not erect, more conical
  • Erections
    • random erections still occur, but they aren’t as stiff
  • food cravings
    • SALT

old memories

content note: self harm, depression, trauma, abuse

It’s been a bad night. I haven’t been able to get anything done. I’ve been plagued by old memories best forgotten, and it’s stirring up all the old insecurities. That if anyone ever gets to know me, they will hate me.

And yet, I have that one bright shining ray of hope pulling me through. A reason to be happy. But I still get the blues. and I’m not depressed so much as remembering and reliving trauma. I have no idea what triggered this. But I hate it and I wish it would go away.

At times like this in the past, I would give in to self destructive cycles. Drinking, or hurting myself in some other way. Pushing people who cared about me away, before they could hurt me. I’ve gotten better about that. I can catch myself.  Stop the cycle before it starts.

But why do these things that happened to me still hurt so goddamn much? Why do I feel like it’s all my fault?

It’s been a bad night.

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

it seems like I passed the 50 follower mark, so it seems like now would be a good time to tell y’all a little about who I am.

My name is Emily Jane [last name removed for privacy]. But you can call me Em, or Emily.

I like anime. Not the mainstream stuff that most people know, but things that are a little more off the radar. Some examples are

  • xxxHolic
  • Dusk Maiden of Amnesia
  • Bamboo Blade,
  • B Gata H Kei Yamada’s First Time
  • [C] Control
  • Destiny of the Shrine Maiden
  • FLCL
  • Girls und Panzer -Currently Watching
  • His and Her circumstances
  • Neuro
  • Noir
  • Oreimo
  • Rideback
  • Read or Die, and R.O.D. the TV
  • Rumbling Hearts: this one will break your heart and make you cry
  • Spice and Wolf
  • Shiki
  • Un-Go

just to name a few. So, yeah, a lot of dramas, yuri, Seinen, Josei, with a little bit of shojo thrown in.

I like My little pony, Friendship is magic. I never lost My love of cartoons. Power Puff girls for life.

Sometimes I sketch. I’m not great at it though. I don’t do it often enough to improve.

I listen to a little bit of everything, music wise. Lately I’ve been on a Traditional Celtic and Celtic rock kick. I like a little bit of country, though a lot of it is shit. I listen to rap from all over the world. Japanese rap is pretty good, even if I don’t know what they’re saying. Also Jay-z kick’s ass. Early Snoop Dogg is good, but after that third album, he just didn’t do it for me anymore. Oh, and you can’t forget the classics like Run DMC. I haven’t listened to any new rap from the U.S. in about 7 years.  I grew up listening to Zydeco, Cajun, Creole, and Swamp pop music, and still love it today. Go check out Haydley J. Castille. I like a little Funk, Punk, and “Techno” but still listen to that good old classic rock and soul music. Everything from the Everly Brothers to the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin to Country Joe and the Fish, The four tops, the temptations, Marvin Gaye, Arethra Frankilin and many more. And I love Bossa Nova, Samba, and specifically Antonio Carlos Jobim. And You just can’t go wrong with Crooners like Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and many others. I also love the Blues.

Other Musicians of note:

  • Bif Naked
  • T.A.T.U.
  • Melissa Ethridge
  • Eric Whitacre
  • Die Antwoord
  • Zachary Richard
  • Beausoliel
  • DJ Icee

Content Warning: Much of the Music I like has problematic elements in it. Country music is very misogynistic.

Oh yeah, and all the music that Elvis did covers of was done better by the original artists. So Fuck Elvis.

I used to play guitar, but gave it up. That’s kind of why I have so much exposure to different types of music.

I’m Bi/Pan/Non-mono sexual, that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to you. I’m actually quite picky.

I’m a trans woman. I’m taking steps towards transitioning. I bought my first girl Jeans today. Yay. :D I’m wearing them now. And make-up is fucking AWESOME.

I’m an atheist. This isn’t the post to debate me on this subject, and if you do, Your comment will be edited, to hilarious effect. Don’t try me. There are other posts for that.

I’m a cook. NO, not a home cook. A fucking Professional. {I use profanity a lot. If you don’t like, fuck off and go somewhere else.(I’m also confrontational on this blog but not in real life.[Enough of these asides for ya? :p ])} I hope to run a restaurant one day. But until then I’ll just be a broke working class girl. I pass for middle class though.

I’m twenty-nine years old. Fucking testosterone. :(

I went to Catholic School and was raised Catholic. Better education than the public school system around here, but it is one of the many reasons I’m so fucked up. “Sex-ed, what is this sex-ed thing you speak of? No reason to have sex until after you’re married, and you’re going to hell just for thinking about it.”

I’m an insomniac. I often don’t get to sleep until 6 or seven in the A.M.  That’s why you lovely folks usually get posts at four or five in the mourning.

I live in the goddamn south. That’s the southeastern U.S. for all y’all non USAians. Fuck this entire region. And for those of you that don’t know, Y’all is the plural of You.

Oh yeah, I’m a huge Green Arrow fan. But I don’t read the new 52.

I read a lot. Fiction, Non-Fiction, doesn’t really matter as long as it’s interesting.

So, now that you know a little more about me, Introduce yourselves. I’m expecting the regulars to comment here. I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.