Tag Archive | Name

I was a man, once.

Dedication

This poem is dedicated to all my fellow travelers who have helped me reach this point.* Hopefully I can help someone the way you have helped me.

Poem

I Was A Man, Once

I was a man, once
I spoke as a man, walked as a man,[1] thought as a man[2]
Most see me as a man
I am a man no longer

What is a narrative?[3]
A myth
A story to explain the unexplainable
No more valid than Adam & Eve[4]
Why do they matter again?

What’s in a name?[5]
Nothing
Everything
Nothing when imposed
Everything when chosen
Reflecting worlds of truth

Am I trans enough?[6]
Why should I care what you think?
I don’t need your validation.
I know who I am now.

References / Allusions

  1. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons  Walk like a Man
  2. I Corinthians 13:11
  3. Natalie Reed “I Always Knew”
  4. Genesis 2-5
  5. William Shakespeare  Romeo and Juliet Act II scene 2
  6. Erica, Ascendant i’m a “fake trans girl” and i hope you are too

*Thank yous

There are too many to name, and I’ll probably leave a few out, but these are some of the people that helped get me to this point where I accept who I am.  I’m using twitter handles or blog titles where I can find them. In no particular order:

  • Natalie Reed @nataliereed84
  • Erica, ascendant
  • Lydia Neon @LifeinNeon
  • Rumplestiltsqueer @PrincexAchilles
  • Zinnia Jones @ZJemptv
  • Quirk @nonviolentrage
  • Drew Jacobs @Rogue_Priest
  • Sarah Christine @TheODSTGirl

There are many, many, others; as well as others who have helped me in different ways. If I didn’t mention you here, it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful.

four stanzas, ’cause words matter

When?

The name that they call me
Batters my senses
Tears me in tatters
To keep me in line

The name that’s assigned me
Keeps me imprisoned
Locked in reflections
Of hearts and of minds

When will they see me
The name that I’ve taken
When will they call me
The name that is mine

When will they see me
The person I am now
When will they see
What I’ve left behind

My name

I’ve figured out my full name. I won’t share it here for privacy reasons. I share some pretty intense stuff here, and I plan to eventually legally change my name, so I don’t want business contacts seeing this. I will say this. Not having a chosen middle name was bothering me, more than I like to admit. I’m glad I settled on it. So my name will be Emily {chosen middle name} {Given last name}. I have no intention to change my last name. I like my last name. It fits with my chosen name. I am proud of my family. I want to retain a connection to my parents in my name. And, my family crest, including my last name is tattooed on my body. I love that tattoo. I love my family crest. Y’all can call me either Emily or Em for short. I’m trying to decide on a pen name. Again, I’m going to continue to use Emily as my first name for all my writing, I just need a last name. I’m open to suggestions in the comments.