Tag Archive | Privilege

on the use of the word “Ally”

I’ll never call myself an ally to any of the groups I’m privileged over. Here’s why:

  1. It’s for the marginalized to say who is and is not an ally.
  2. I get to walk away from issues that don’t affect me. There is always that option, so anything I do regarding them is easier for me than for the marginalized.
  3. No matter how much effort I put into an issue, it isn’t enough.The oppression will still exist, and won’t directly affect me.
  4. No matter how hard I try, I will still occasionally fuck up.

Here’s why I don’t like it when people call themselves allies axes of marginalization that affect me:

  1. If you are an ally, I’ll be able to tell by your actions, not your self applied label.
  2. If you call yourself an ally, it’s easy to forget that you need to do the job to earn that.
  3. It still doesn’t mean that you understand what I’m going thru, and I can’t forget that.
  4. Some people seem to think that being an ally gives them a carte blanche for fuckups. It doesn’t.

So yeah, I really don’t care for the term ally as used by most people. And anyone who thinks that straight allies deserve a flag can go fuck themselves.

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Apparently, I’m a Misandrist. Explaining privilege.

I’ve been told that I hate men. Why? Because I want to see women get equal pay in the workplace. Because I want to see all genders equally represented in positions of power. Apparently I’m racist against white people, too. Why? Because I recognize that life is easier for me because I’m white. And life is fucking shitty and hard for me enough because I’m trans and bi. But I still don’t have to deal with all the shit that Trans women of color do.

Yes, If you are white life is easier for you. If you are straight, life is easier for you. If you are Cis, life is easier for you. If you are a man, life is easier for you. If you are currently able bodied, life is easier for you. If you do not have to deal with any mental issues, life is easier for you. If you have a binary gender, life is easier for you. Deal with it. This does not mean that you have nothing to contribute. This does not mean that sexism, femmephobia, and oppositional sexism. do not hurt you if you are a man.  This does not mean that I hate you. But it does mean that you do not have to deal with the things that I, and other actual marginalized people do.

It means that you may not see how something is oppressive because you don’t have to deal with it every day. I fucking had to write a goddamn post about it not being ok for someone to smack a woman on the ass without her consent in 2012. Because people still think that shit’s Ok. It means that if I say that something is transphobic, you should stop and think for a second before you start explaining to me how it isn’t. I admit that I could be wrong, but I have a much more intimate knowledge of the subject than someone who is cisgender.

This concept is called privilege.  We all have some. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but you need to be aware that some things make your life easier at the expense of others. That isn’t right, and we need to work to eliminate it from the system until equality is achieved. In regards to gender, this fight is called feminism. In regards to race, anti-racism.

If you say that you are against feminism, you are saying that you are against equality.

Words and phrases that I hate and why.

Privilege: Can we stop using this? It’s ineffective. I won’t deny the concept behind it. I recognize my own privilege. But when we use it in conversation, it just confuses people and we end up having to explain for twice as long then would be necessary to get  people to understand. “Check your privilege.” “You shouldn’t be telling us how to act because of your privilege.” Then people always get the idea that they are hated because of who they are. Seriously, how hard is it to just say the first time, “You don’t understand because you haven’t been there.” That’s simple, concise, and conveys what you are saying in words that don’t have to be decoded,  with no room for misunderstanding.

Male to Female/MtF: Not bad on its own. But I hate how some people use it. “She’s a Male to Female.” Or even worse, “He’s male to female.” It’s a way to deny that someone is actually female. It forever ties someone to their AAB gender.

Trannie/Tranny: If you have to ask, please kindly fuck right off. But in all seriousness, these are never acceptable under any circumstances. They are derogatory, and imply a threat.

Queer: I know this one’s going to be controversial. I understand how it is used. I understand that it is necessary. I understand why people like it. Hell, I even use it myself when it is appropriate. But I still can never shake the derogatory connotation from my brain, especially since it is still used as a slur.