Tag Archive | Trans*

Let’s talk about institutional trans-misogyny.

Notes: I use trans-feminine to refer to trans women and non-binary camab trans folx I use trans-masculine to refer to trans men and non-binary cafab folx. They aren’t perfect terms, but they’re what I’ve got to work with.

Time to Kick the Hornet’s Nest

Oh HAI there. It’s been a while since I wrote an explicitly political post. Since some people seem to think that trans-misogyny is just trans women being upset about fucked up queer space dynamics (that some folx don’t even believe exist) I thought I’d go on and tell you a little of how trans-misogyny fucks over trans-feminine folx in favour of trans-masculine folx.

for decades, all the big women’s colleges accepted trans masculine folx, but not trans-feminine ones. Most still have exclusionary practices. And some of the few that actually accept trans-women have policies in place to make it extremely hard for trans women to be accepted. One of the least horrible about it has wording requiring trans women to present full time and be accepted as women in their daily lives. Yes, they will be judging us by our femininity, and while they accept non-binary cafab folx without reservations, they don’t allow non-binary camab folx. These schools employed Janice Raymond.

If access to education isn’t bad enough, let’s talk about Planned Parenthood and access to lifesaving healthcare. Many Planned parenthoods all across the southeast US will prescribe testosterone but not anti-androgens and estrogen for trans feminine folx.

Now let’s talk about crisis centers and women’s shelters that allow trans-masculine folx while trans feminine folx sleep on the street. Yeah. Trans women have died in the fucking cold because of this.

I’m not saying trans masculine folx shouldn’t get services. I’m saying trans-misogyny specifically is real on an institutional level and costs lives.

So don’t anyone ever come to me saying I’m whining about dating circles and queer cliquishness when I talk about trans misogyny and the ways in which trans masculine folx are privileged over trans women and CAMAB trans folx.

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Queer Romance short stories by @lifeinneon

My friend Autumn has been writing some amazing short fiction with queer and trans characters in a fantasy universe. She’s also really struggling with student loans. Y’all should try out her fiction here: http://trashmance.com/ and if you like it, contribute to her Patreon here: http://www.patreon.com/lifeinneon

Poem: she went to smith

She Went to Smith*

You knew

You knew exactly what you were doing

You talk all about how you support us

How you believe in our rights

You were supposed to be my friend

You knew that by making that choice

You knew you were benefitting

From my oppression

And you did choose

How could  you?

How dare you?

You chose to go

You chose to benefit from my oppression

And tried to call me a friend

But you knew

And that makes all the difference. **

footnotes

* Smith college still has many trans misogynist policies. If you can’t get your school records changed, you can’t get in. They actively discriminate against me and my kind. She knew this before applying.

**  Allusion to The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

 

 

So, you think we don’t need as much medicine as we take.

Content note: Suicide, medical talk, dysphoria, ablism

Let me tell you about my medical conditions.

1. I have a propensity for esophageal ulcers. I was born with a deformity. The valve from my stomach to my esophagus doesn’t close all the way. On top of that, I have a sliding hiatal hernia. That means the top part of my stomach will sometimes slide up into my esophagus. I have frequent heartburn and acid reflux. Left untreated, I will end up in the hospital or dead. For this, I need antacids.

2. I have hormonal gender dysphoria. Without treatment, my mental state gets so bad that I can’t stand it, and get extremely suicidal. Without treatment, I would kill myself. I came close a couple of times. The knife was on my wrist. I need anti-androgens and estrogen. ( I need additionaltreatment for genital based gender dysphoria, but I can handle that without killing myself for now.)

3. I have migraine headaches that can last 4 to 8 hours and be so debilitating that all I can do is curl up in a ball in a dark quiet room. I need painkillers to treat this. (and I can’t take too many because of the digestive system problems)

4. I have chronic pain from joints, nerves, and muscles. Some days I can’t even get out of the bed to get food. I usually don’t bother taking pain killers, because they are minimally effective, and irritate my acid reflux. I also don’t want them to become less effective for migraines. But I will take painkillers for this when absolutely necessary.

5. I have asthma. Without treatment when I was younger, I would be dead.

6. I have various allergies. Some of these are severe. Without treatment, I would die. For this, I need anti-histamines.

You think we’re taking too many medicines? I have friends with diabetes that need insulin. Friends with PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression, and other medical conditions that they need treatment  for. Do you want us to stop taking the medicines that are keeping us alive?

Guys are flirting with me. IT’S SO WEIRD.

content note: passing•, boys

Yesterday, on my way to therapy, a guy started hitting on me. And he wasn’t creepy, invasive, or harassing. It’s strange the ways that guys flirt. I’m used to girls flirting with me, both queer girls and straight girls (from the before times) flirt so differently from the ways boys do it. This was such an interesting experience.

He asked if I was European because I’m so tall. [5’11″(and I like to wear 3 inch heels, but I wasn’t that day)] He obviously couldn’t tell that I’m trans. (passing is weird) He complimented my perfume. (I wasn’t wearing any) It was so cute. Not my type, but he was kind of  a charmer. ^_^

 

•I define passing as a contextual thing, not a state of being. It describes the way others perceive you at the time, and how they treat you as a consequence. I know some people don’t like the language, but it describes something that is useful to describe. And it’s the language I have to work with.

Questions and Consequences

I’m used to being clocked. It’s a normal affair for me. What I’m not used to is being read as cis. But on the BART tonight, I was approached by a man. He sat down near me, and started asking me things, like what was the book I was reading. It was Redefining Realness by Janet Mock. A book that may have given me away to someone more informed, but he continued to talk to me, until he asked what the symbol on the pin on my backpack was. He thought it was something “Native American”. I informed him that it was a trans pride symbol. He looked startled, and suddenly stopped talking to me, and a minute or two later he moved away. Now, he could have been hitting on me, or he could have been just being friendly, but he obviously wanted nothing to do with me after finding out I was trans.

Which leaves me with questions. How often am I blending in with cis society? Usually the fact that I’m trans is pretty apparent, so I’ve never had to deal with someone suddenly finding out. I’m not ashamed of being trans, which is one of the many reasons I have the button, others being visibility so other trans folx know they aren’t alone, and resistance to cis-supremecy. I don’t want to be deep stealth. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it to deal with situations like this, and so much worse, in every little passing interaction when I don’t have to. I mean, for a long time, I had no choice, but to deal with the laughter and non-consensual picture taking. I guess I feel like I should have a greater ability to disclose when and how I feel like it. On my terms. But I like the visibility, and resistance.  So I just don’t know.

 

Not just trans

I hate it when people follow me on twitter, just because I’m a trans woman. It’s a very peculiar type of microaggression. It isn’t even a part of my profile description. I have other thoughts and feelings. I mostly don’t even talk about being trans on there. Most of the people I talk to, well they respect me for other things, and I like them for who they are too. But sometimes, people just follow me, without ever having had a conversation with me, or with any mutual friends of mine. I’m a poet. Yes, a lot of my poetry is deals with oppression dynamics. But a lot of it isn’t. The oppression is part of my life, as is the dysphoria, and things like needing hrt. So those will end up in the things that I write. But these people don’t follow me because they like my poetry. I’m an artist. I just got my first commission. But are these people interested in my art? No. I like talking nail art with my friends. Are they follow me for that? No. I talk kink, and rope bondage. Are they interested in that? No. They just follow me because I’m trans.

I don’t even talk all that much about it these days. I’m too busy doing things. But all they see is trans woman. The fact that they are around doesn’t bother me all that much. It’s the inherent devaluation of all else I am and all else I do, and just seeing me as the oppressor does, by my status as a trans woman.

Holy shit y’all, HRT update.

Dosage: 200mg spiro, 4mg E
7 months on HRT
Age: 30

Holy fuck y’all, it’s a christmas miracle. <–joking, I don’t believe in miracles. But seriously, my hips have gotten wider. This isn’t supposed to be able to happen to someone as old as I am, but it did.

My boobs are still growing, currently a small B cup. Fat has redistributed to typical female fat distribution at this point on my body, and most of the way on my face too. I’ve put on some weight. Sex is amazing now. Other physical effects are the same as my previous updates.

Mental effects are pretty much the same as always, it didn’t fix all my problems, but I didn’t expect it to, but it fixed a whole lot of them.

<3

Emily.