Recently someone I know clocked me. Then they said that they see me as whatever I say I am. Oh thank you for deigning to see me as a woman. I love that you showed me your ability to accept or reject my womanhood. I hate myself for feeling grateful for the acceptance.
CW: transphobia, assault, violence
CN: I’m not your friendly neighborhood transsexual.
Your pretty words mean nothing
I see how you see me
Go on, tell me just how anti-oppressive you are.
You know the language, the protocols
But when you slip and say “he” I know what I am to you
The way you look at me when I go into the bathroom
Your pretty words mean nothing
When I can’t get a job
When Teenagers are being set on fire
In “Liberal California”
God Damn you all to hell
I’m already there.
So this happened:
I’m standing on a corner waiting for the walk sign, to get a bite to eat before I go to Walgreens. It’s pretty dimly lit. A cis man bikes up.
Dude: you got any weed?
Dude: do you smoke
Dude, quizzically: wait, are you a female?
Dude, while staring at my chest, disbelieving: noooo, show me your breasts
Dude, disbelieving: did you do that to yourself???
Dude: on purpose???!!!!
And that’s when I turned and walked away at full speed, skipping the meal, and going back towards Walgreens.
And I didn’t hear the rest.
I was shaking for 2 hours afterward.
CW: Street Harassment, Trans-misogyny.
I’m walking home from the grocery when a man leans out a passenger side windo to do the normal street harassment thing as the van he’s in passes me on the street. He sees my face and turns back to the driver as he exclaims loudly, “That’s a man!” As I pass the van while it’s stopped at the light, “Excuse me, Sir.” When I don’t respond he grows agitated, and yells, “SIR!” I turn the corner and keep walking without responding. He becomes extremely angry and yells out, “Sir, why do you . . .” I couldn’t understand what he said after that. Luckily, the van didn’t follow me.
Now, what was the point of all this? To show me what my place is? I know what my place is in this society: Firmly under your bootheel. Maybe it was just a reminder. Harass the woman because she’s a woman. Degender and degrade her when you see she’s trans. Get angry because you’re homophobic and think she tricked you into thinking she was attractive. Get even more angry that she ignores you, taking away the slimist margin of your power over her.
Sometimes, silence is the only power you have.
I hate people. The only way for me to avoid this kind of harassment is to look and act like a man. I’d rather deal with the harassment. I’d rather die.
I get evil looks all the time. Everywhere. I get common street harassment. I’ve even been followed for a few blocks by one man on more than one occasion. I’ve been degendered, spat at, and had curses muttered at me. One guy mimed vomiting as I passed by.
I’ve only been presenting as myself full -time for less than a month. I wonder if the people around me notice how I’m treated.
It’s an exception just to be treated with basic decency, much less kindness.
I’m afraid of cis people. I’m afraid of men. I never know when and where the worst shit is gonna come from. And even the best cis people just don’t understand sometimes.
So, I decided to sit down and waste some time watching “the Gay and Lesbian Comedy Slam.” I figured it would be bad, I mean no even token nod to the rest of the GSRM community, but this shit was fucking horrible. These folks are no more my people than Cis, Straight, Evangelical, hard line conservative Christians.
It started out with a transphobic joke. The first fucking line of the show. Well Y’all can go fuck yourselves right back. It was fucking terrible, misgendering and deadnaming someone, and appropriating “transition” all for the sake of a really shitty joke.
So much racism, bi-phobia, cissexism, and out right transphobia, as well as gay male misogyny. Don’t forget the classism, pro-militarism, and rape culture bullshit. Oh, and we can’t forget the gender role enforcement even within gay culture.
I’m sick of seeing any type of queer folks upholding this kyriarchical bullshit, but the Cis Gay and Lesbian scene has made an entire culture surrounding it. “We’re just like you, only we are attracted to the same sex.” Yeah, and fuck you too. Our entire overculture is toxic, and you want to reflect and be part of those power structures instead of tearing them down. You are not my family. And they will never want you. Call me when you wake the fuck up. We’ll be here waiting like we always have been.
So, I’ve been hearing this lately, “Transphobic feminists are a tiny minority of feminism,” mostly from liberal cis feminists. Bullshit. And if you’re cis and you say this, Fuck you that isn’t for you to decide.
- When 10000 cis women are attending Michigan womyn’s fest, don’t tell me that transphobic feminists are a tiny minority. [source]
- Most cis people are transphobic, why should we expect the subset of Feminists to be any different. Just because most of them don’t make it their main talking point, doesn’t mean that they aren’t transphobic.
- I will accept that only a tiny minority are actively making it their business to attack trans women, but I do not accept that only a tiny minority are transphobic.
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your hatred exhausts me
Why do you hate us so much?
What the fuck did I do to you to deserve such treatment?
Stop using me as your prop.
Stop trying to exterminate us.
That’s what you’re doing.
Extermination by marginalization.
Marginalization. funny word that. Denied housing, work, love of parents, access to shelters. More likely to be imprisoned. Left to die in the cold.
Marginalization doesn’t really capture it.
And because of luck of the fucking draw I don’t have to deal with racism or colonialism on top of it.
We’re beaten to death, sometimes literally.
We have an astronomically high suicide attempt rate.
And you think we worry that you don’t find us attractive.
If it wasn’t indicative of the same attitudes that exterminate us, then I wouldn’t give a shit.
Allies, what the fuck are you doing to stop this shit?
content note: trans-misogyny, slurs
Do you know what it’s like to stand stone faced as your boss makes a transphobic joke and everyone laughs?
Do you know what it’s like to remain silent, because if you speak, you’ll scream obscenities at him and get fired?
Do you know what it’s like to work someplace where the most queer supportive person doesn’t give a damn about the discrimination you face and talks about eating at chik-fil-a?
Do you know what it’s like to be a thing? despised?
Do you know what it’s like to hold back tears, and keep working through your shift?
Do you know what it’s like to know that it doesn’t get better, that it’s only going to get worse?
Do you know what it’s like to be a stupid little tranny bitch?
Do you know?
Do you fucking know?
I’m gonna go cry now.
I’ve had a hellacious couple of days. Things I’ve been subjected to:
- Transphobic jokes and remarks from just about everyone I know.
- Homophobic rants, including one from someone who knows that I’m bi going off about their straight cis boss calling him a, “Queer ass, cock-sucking ass-fucking, son of a bitch.” and someone else who doesn’t know about me talking about how he doesn’t hate gay people, but he doesn’t want to see them kissing in public. Well, there was a lot more detail, but let’s just leave it at that.
- More than the average homophobic jokes on my double shift at work today
- Having to witness some extreme sexual harassment of a co-worker, and not being able to stop it. At least she knows that I’ll be a witness for her if she wants to go to HR.
So yeah, Straight cis people, I really don’t want to hear from y’all right now. I think I’ve heard enough.
Any time you police someone else’s gender, whether you are cis or trans*, by:
- saying someone isn’t really transgender
- saying someone must be transgender
- saying that someone’s gender isn’t real
- telling someone how they must act or present themselves to “be real”
- saying that someone isn’t the gender that they tell you they are
you are buying into and supporting the system that oppresses all trans* and gender non-conforming people.